Ministry Report for 2019
If I say, “I will not mention God, or speak any more in God’s name,” then within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.
Jeremiah 20:9
While I was walking in my neighborhood this week, I had a mystical experience. I saw a vision of myself with my heart cracked open and my arms held open at my sides. I could see Light streaming out of the cracks in my heart and coming out through my hands. The image was painful and powerful.
Quakers broke my heart this year. At the beginning of the year, I was mourning the end of Church of Mary Magdalene, though I felt clear that closing the church was the right decision. I was also sad about Freedom Friends Church’s decision to move to a worship group instead of a monthly and yearly meeting, though that also seemed rightly ordered. I formally withdrew my membership from Atlanta Friends Meeting. After over a decade of being in leadership roles in Friends meetings, I was suddenly no longer a member anywhere, with no one holding my recording.
All of this was sad, but not nearly as hard as what came next. In the fall of 2018, I felt a clear leading to apply for a pastor position, and I interviewed with the search committee. In early 2019 I learned that they had moved forward with another candidate through their church email list. In April, after I gave a public message at Guilford College, a Friend who is known for writing meanspirited posts on his blog wrote about me and shared the post widely online. As a result, I heard from over thirty people directly, through emails, calls, texts, and direct messages. Many of these people were supportive, but some demanded that I justify what I had said, wanted to correct me, or told me that I should not be in ministry. I reached out to yearly meetings, trying to find a body to hold my membership and recording, but none were in a position to do so. I got the news that there was a possibility I had breast cancer. I stopped taking calls from people I didn’t know well, and I withdrew from Friends.
At the same time, my ministry outside of Friends was flourishing. It has become increasingly clear to me that a large part of my ministry is as a Friend to people outside of the Religious Society of Friends. In the spring semester, I was the head TA for Introduction to Preaching at Candler School of Theology. I love being part of the teaching team for this class and getting to see how my students learn and grow. I also signed a book contract with Westminster John Knox Press to publish my book, The Women’s Lectionary, a handbook for preachers on women in the Bible and feminine images of God. I signed with a literary agent from Curtis Brown and rearranged my schedule to finish a draft of my book by December. I have continued to preach once a month at a retirement community’s vespers service and I began guest preaching for a Disciples of Christ church. I have also found support and connection with peers from many traditions on social media.
Though this has been a challenging year in many ways, I have had a lot of support. I am especially grateful to my partner Troy. He has been a listening ear through all of this, and we have found new ways to support each other through big changes over the past year. I have continued to meet monthly with my spiritual director, and I have monthly video calls with another young woman in ministry. My anchoring committee and I discerned that it was time to lay that committee down, and I am grateful for the committee members’ clarity and ongoing support. I have not been regularly attending Quaker worship, but I have found spiritual nourishment through monthly Taizé services and daily prayer. And although it may not seem like it from this report, I had a lot of fun this year! I enjoyed playing games, going to movies, and traveling to spend time with family and friends.
In this new year, I find myself in a strange place in my relationship with Friends. I still feel clear that I am a Quaker and called to ministry in the Friends tradition, but I am not affiliated with any Quaker groups or meetings. I am thrilled that Friends Journal succeeded in meeting the goal of its Beacon Campaign, and proud of all of the staff and volunteers who worked to make that happen. Even with the fallout afterward, visiting Guilford College as the 2019 JM Ward Distinguished Quaker Visitor was one of the highlights of my year, and I look forward to working more with Guilford’s Quaker Leadership Scholars Program this year. I have been invited to be a speaker for Quakers United in Publishing’s annual conference in April, and I am in conversation with Earlham School of Religion about being a speaker for their Leadership Conference this summer. I think it would be good for me and for Friends for me to be grounded in a meeting for this work.
Looking ahead, it is going to be a busy year! The semester has started at Candler and I am serving as the head TA for Introduction to Preaching again. I continue to do legal work halftime, which makes my ministry work financially possible. My doctors have confirmed that I do not have breast cancer, which is a relief! I am finishing up the edits on my book and starting to prepare for the book launch in October. I plan to travel to promote it, including a trip to Greensboro, NC in November, and possibly a West Coast tour in the end of October. I look forward to connecting with people who are interested in supporting people in ministry, especially women, and who are excited about what the Spirit is doing in and through us.